


Hockey Players Are Really Just Blind Old Ladies

by BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: 3 steps get finished, 4 step plan, Jonny's surprise twin, M/M, Obliviousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:18:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse/pseuds/BoyGirlBothNoneImTheUniverse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt Fill: Kaner gets a boyfriend that looks exactly like Tazer and nobody but him and said boyfriend notice the similarities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hockey Players Are Really Just Blind Old Ladies

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts here: http://puckurtispower.livejournal.com/4136.html
> 
> I did this instead of writing more of my chaptered story. This is a milestone for me ppl. I've never written over 2,000 in a chapter/one-shot before. It's a little stiff, but I started this at midnight and am finishing it at 1AM so, whatever.

Patrick had known Jessie since he was like, three. They'd both grown up in Buffalo and had played together at the park. Jessie even played hockey for a while before he'd decided that it wasn't really for him. Patrick continued playing hockey while Jessie had tried out a bunch of sports until finally deciding he liked football.

When Patrick went away, he kept in touch with Jessie as best as he could. They weren't as close as they had once been, but they still talked.

When he got drafted by the Blackhawks, Jessie had shown up and they had lost their gay virginity together. They weren't together, not even close, but they were good enough friends to be able to sleep together without freaking out about it in the morning. It wasn't like it was burden sleeping with Jessie either. Jessie was taller than Patrick, had brown eyes that Erica had once described as cocoa, and had shaggy brown hair that Patrick insisted he get cut every time he saw him. Jessie now worked as a life guard at an indoor pool close to their home town.

Jessie had always been there for Patrick, even when Patrick started freaking out about his maybe-possible-probably feelings for Jonny. Jessie had commented once or twice on the similarity between the two, their physical features pretty much a mirror of the other. Patrick fully admitted that he had a type. It just happens that Jessie is a douchebag Patrick loves and Jonny is a douchebag Patrick is in love with.

So, when Sharpy had dropped by his apartment without warning, he might have caught Jessie and Patrick in a certain position. Patrick totally expected Sharpy to take one look at Jessie and ask where he found Jonny's twin. Except Sharpy had screamed like a little girl, congratulated Patrick on getting some, and then walked right back out he door.

It was around the second time that Sharpy caught him, this time with Duncs and Seabs, that Patrick was wondering if everyone around him was blind. Jessie and him had been making out on the couch one week when Jessie was up to visit. The pool was closed for the holidays and Patrick had just gotten a hat-trick a couple days before. They were both ready to celebrate when the trio had walked in (uninvited, Patrick would like to add). Sharpy had said it was nice to see the shaggy hair guy again and Duncs and Seabs had just grinned and followed Sharpy into Patrick's kitchen.

Patrick had started to wonder if maybe he was wrong and Jessie and Jonny didn't look alike. Then about an hour later Jonny had showed up and had sat on the couch Jessie and himself had occupied. They all gathered around Patrick's TV to watch some movie. Patrick had taken the opportunity and yeah, everyone else is blind.

Jessie had given Jonny wide-eyed looks for most of the night and Patrick was right there with him. Jonny had never met Jessie. Jonny hadn't even introduced himself when he walked into Patrick's apartment. He'd just nodded at Jessie and wrestled the remote out of Patrick's hand.

When the trio, plus Jonny, finally left, Jessie turned to him and stated, "Are they seriously that blind?"

Patrick gave him an amused smile and headed to the kitchen to see what his friends had taken and eaten. "I know what you mean. We've been caught twice now by Sharpy, and I know he's told the guys, and no one seems to realize the tiny similarities between you and Tazer."

"Tiny? I look like the skater version of him, Patty," Jessie said, his hand resting on his hip.

"You sound like the gay version of him," Patrick informed him.

Jessie pursed his lips and gave Patrick a small glare before flipping his hair and saying, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Patrick snorted and went back to the apartment door to lock it. He made sure it was secure before turning to Jessie.

"So, you wanna talk about how hockey players are idiots, or do you wanna have some fun?"

Jessie grinned and walked up to Patrick before pulling him so they were flush against each other.

"Think we can do both? I know you're a multitasker."

Patrick grinned back at him and started to pull him towards the bedroom.

"I accept your challenge."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Patrick isn't sure when he had started to bring Jessie up around the guys, but he knows it had to be just recently.

A few weeks later, after Jessie had headed back to Buffalo, the team had just finished practice, all of them trampling into the locker room when Bolly had asked out of nowhere, "So, is it true you been hanging out with a hot brunett?"

Patrick gave him a side glanced before shrugging and pulling his jersey over his head.

"Not your type, Bolland. More man than you could handle."

A couple of the guys snickered at his comments before getting undressed themselves. Patrick opted out of taking a shower. He was suddenly so frustrated with everyone's lack of sight; he just wanted to leave.

When he got home, his temper just worsened. How hard could it be for the guys to see Patrick was sleeping with a guy that oh, just happened to be Jonny's twin? How could Jonny not notice!?

Suddenly, Patrick got an idea. He would _make_ them notice. He grinned and dug his cell phone out of his pocket. He had a phone call to make.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The mission, as Jessie had put it, was to make people open their fucking eyes. It wasn't like Patrick had never thought about telling Jonny how he felt, because he had, he just never thought it would be by pushing Jessie in his face and basically going, 'See this guy? He looks like your twin, yeah? I'm banging him! Do you see anything suspicious about that?'

The first step of their (mostly Jessie's) plan was to get the rest of the team to meet Jessie. Only a handful had. Just because those guys were stupid, didn't mean the rest were.

Patrick arrived at the team outing with Jessie firmly by his side. The guy had swagger, Patrick admitted. He looked good.

Patrick and Jessie walked up to the team's booths and waited to be acknowledged. A couple of the guys, like Carbomb and Crow, did a double take of Patrick and Jessie before looking over towards Jonny. He seemed to be explaining something important to Sharpy because he had his captain-y face on. When none of the other guys seemed to find anything odd or familiar about Jessie, they headed over to sit with Crow, who was sitting by himself.

"Crow, I want you to meet Jessie Davis. Jessie, meet Corey Crawford," Patrick said, gesturing between the two before taking the seat opposite of Crow.

Jessie nodded and smiled, following Patrick's lead by sitting down beside him.

Crow gave a hesitant nod and seemed to be studying Jessie. He opened his mouth to say something before Jonny appeared out of nowhere, pulling out a seat so he could sit next to him.

He stared at Crow for a moment, wearing his judgemental face, before turning back to Patrick a nodding.

Patrick gave him an exasperated look and just sighed. He nodded his head towards Jessie and said, "Tazer, this is Jessie. Jessie, this is Tazer."

"Call me Jonathan," Jonny broke in, his voice deadpan.

Jessie raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Yeah, okay. You can call me whatever the hell you want."

Patrick had given Jonny a confused frown when he'd been talking, but grinned when Jessie started to act like a dick.

"Don't be rude, asshole."

"I'm not," Jessie insisted, flipping his hair in an overdramatic fashion. "I just don't care what Jonathan wants to call me. I have so many names to pick from."

"Jay," Patrick supplied at the blank looks that crossed the two in front of them.

"Jess," Jessie countered.

"JD," Patrick threw back.

"Jessica."

"Jizz."

"I've always liked the one," Jessie said offhandedly.

"As everyone and my grandmother know," Patrick replied with a snort.

The rest of the night consisted of Jonny staring at Jessie, not uttering a word. A few of the other guys stopped by their table, but no one, not one, said anything about Jessie's looks.

Step one was a bust.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Step two was horrible and it involved getting caught in the nude in the locker room.

Okay, it wasn't horrible until Coach Q walked in after the guys did.

That was when it got horrible.

Patrick doesn't want to talk about it, his body still hurts from all the suicides.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Step three was there next to last step. It involved getting some less stupid people, like Abby Sharp, in the same room as Jonny and Jessie.

The opportunity came a couple of months later when Sharpy invited some of the team over for dinner. He told everyone they could bring someone and Patrick was lucky enough that Jessie had been in Chicago again, this time visiting his brother Paul.

They arrived at 6:30PM on the dot and was welcomed to the site of Jonny, Sharpy, Duncs, Seabs, and Stalsy all huddled in a close circle on Sharp's livingroom floor. They whispered to each other for a few more moments before they noticed Patrick and Jessie had arrived.

Sharp had stood and taken Jessie's coat, presumably to put it on the coat rack.

"What about me?" Patrick had pouted when Sharpy had walked right by him.

"Do it yourself," Sharpy replied.

Patrick grumbled his way over to the rack. He was hanging his coat up when he noticed Jessie's coat was creepily identical to another coat hanging beside it. Patrick would bet a million dollars it was Jonny's.

He headed back to the livingroom and sat on the love-seat Jessie was occupying.

"So," Patrick started, stretching out with his arm around Jessie's shoulders, "what were you guys talking' about when we got here?"

"I'm going to the bathroom," Jonny said suddenly, leaving the room.

The guys all shared a look, something obviously being said without words before Sharpy called out to Abby.

"Yes?" Abby's voice replied, drifting in from the kitchen.

"Do you mind if Kaner's friend comes in to help you?"

There was a pause before Abby poked her head out of the kitchen. She smiled and turned to Patrick before freezing, her eyes stopping on Jessie. She blinked and look to Jonny, who was sitting in between Seabs and Duncs.

"Oh," Abby said quietly.

Sharpy coughed and gestured toward Jessie.

"Do you?"

"Oh! Um, no. Of course not. What's your name?"

Jessie gave Patrick a helpless look before standing up and heading toward the kitchen.

"It's Jessie, Mrs. Sharp," he said, before disappearing into the kitchen.

Patrick turned towards the guys, all of them suddenly staring at him.

"What?" he asked.

"Kaner," Stalzy started off slowly, drawling out his nickname, "do you notice anything familiar about Jessie?"

Patrick froze. Had they finally caught on? Just incase they were going somewhere with this that Patrick wasn't prepared for, he shook his head and said, "No. Why?"

"Oh, no reason. It's just, um, he sort of looks like, well..." Sharpy said, obviously choosing his words carefully.

Patrick was too busy holding his breath to pay much attention to that though.

"He looks like Jonny," Duncs stated bluntly.

Patrick let out a relieved sigh and exclaimed, "Thank you for finally noticing, you guys. It took you long enough."

They all blinked at him, obviously expecting a different reaction.

"You knew?" Seabs asked.

"Well, yeah. I basically see Jonny everyday. I grew up with Jessie. I've known them both long enough to know if they look alike," Patrick said, rolling his eyes at the question.

"So you realize you're basically dating Jonny's twin?" Sharpy asks.

Patrick shrugged and said, "We're not dating. But I am sleeping with Jonny's twin if that makes you guys feel better."

Both Seabs and Duncs give him a look that says, 'No, it doesn't make them feel better'.

"Can you guys make Jonny realize that though?" Patrick asks.

"Jonny noticed back when Jonny was a rookie."

Patrick tilted his back to see Jonny standing behind him. He was staring at Patrick's face, obviously searching for something. He apparently foudn it because he suddenly stepped closer before bending down and bring Patrick into a Spiderman style kiss.

Patrick allowed himself to enjoy for a bit before Sharpy's fake puking sounds distracted him.

"Shut up," Patrick says, flipping him off.

"I thought it was cute," Jessie's voice cuts into the other guys' jeers.

Patrick just grins and says, "Fuck you."

Jessie raises an eyebrow and smirks.

"That an offer?" he asks.

Jonny tightens the arm he had only just curled around Patrick's shoulders. He glares slightly at Jessie, studying him to see if he was joking or serious.

"No," he states quickly.

Patrick grins. The didn't get to step four, but who cares?

Maybe if Patrick tells Jonny this, three can be their lucky number...

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, the end line was the hint at a threesome. Oddly enough, I don't like threesomes. I get confused on how they work. But you can let your imagination soar.


End file.
